Conversational Control is the use of speech to sidestep, dominate, or disrupt dialogue—the very thing that builds trust and connection in healthy relationships.

The Middle Column represents the ideal: conversations that promote safety, fairness, and equal participation. Here, people can think, feel, and decide together. It’s the space where teamwork, maturity, and emotional safety can grow.

By contrast, the Arcing Up and Arcing Down columns reveal dysfunctional patterns—focused on winning, withdrawing, or keeping power. These patterns lie at the heart of emotional, verbal, and psychological abuse.

There are different levels of Conversational Control, existing along a continuum. We can all slip into using these tactics at times—because we’re human—but when the behaviour is occasional, it has little lasting impact on the relationship.

Further along the continuum, Conversational Control becomes more skilled and strategic, often used to unsettle, confuse, or dominate. At its most entrenched level, it is no longer merely unfair—it is abusive. Here, Conversational Control forms the foundation of Coercive Control and toxic relationship dynamics.

Understanding these dynamics is the first step toward naming them—and making change possible.